Am i dating the wrong man
The problem is, the longer you continue the cycle, the more your sense of self-worth erodes, making it harder and harder to remove yourself from the pleasure/pain pattern of unhealthy, inaccessible relationships.
I once started to develop feelings for someone and as I started to open up to him, he reacted with aloofness and indifference. My natural reaction was to try harder, initiate more, and stick around in hopes he would turn around.
That being said, I do believe there should be an effort to communicate and try together to right the wrong, get the relationship back on track.
If you try with all your heart and it’s still wrong, then it’s not fair to either of you.
Although sex is important, you’re not doing it all day. If you’re not able to have stimulating deep meaningful fun conversations with someone, that is a sure sign they’re probably wrong for you. That being said, you have to define what “good banter” means for you. And if you haven’t seen that movie, unheard and very very alone.
Ninety percent of your relationship is going to be hanging out, watching movies, sharing meals. So without the banter piece, things can get boring very fast. Good banter is one of the pistons that keep a relationship exciting and moving forward. I don’t know, but if you are in something where he/she always figures out a way to make it about them, you’re going to feel like Jennifer Lawrence’s character in “Mother”.
If this turns into a pattern, it can be a form of control because the other person has no where to go.
I admit, I was attracted and craving a connection with a man who was unavailable. And this, is the decision that starts to break the unhealthy cycle. The moment you accept less than your worth, you will get less.
The moment you tolerate disrespect and disregard, you set precedent. Larry Young, the director for Translational Social Neuroscience, notes that experiencing a loss from a partner – such as a separation or death, is akin to an addict craving drugs.
As a result, they have a lot of love (sunk costs) for their date or mate. Are you giving without expectation of receiving anything back in return? Or, is there a part of your giving that is rooted in the hopes you will get love and acknowledgement in return?
If there isn’t a foundation of love, respect and commitment with the person you’re dating, giving more and doing nice things will not cause them to love you more, it’ll only result in you becoming increasingly attached.